Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
