I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
