Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize