She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't deserve a penis
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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