he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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