the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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