Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
