He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
