i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
