Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
