you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
