Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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