I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So vagazzling was a success
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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