i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
