I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
