i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
