god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
