Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have tasted many bathrooms
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
