youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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