so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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