You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
