Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
