I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
