Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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