listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
