I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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