Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
