Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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