i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
