I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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