u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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