No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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