im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
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