I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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