i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
