im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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