He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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