I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He told me they were just razor bumps!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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