You're so nebulous sometimes
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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