just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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