We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How's work?
Spinning.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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