dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
