Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
