he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
