we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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