you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
birth control should be required to get into college
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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