Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
