that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
