This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
