Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
