I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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