Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
