we're blogging at a bar
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
