I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
