you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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