After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
