i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize