why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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