Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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