the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
