This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
