We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
