We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
