I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
