dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
