I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
