MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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