haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
