Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
