Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
