Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
