That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
