My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
