Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
