Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
