worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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