Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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