I skipped work to stalk him.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
