I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
