every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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