and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
