My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
