I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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