I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
