Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
