omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
