you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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