Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize