Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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