I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
