I think I died a long time ago.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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