i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
