I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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