During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He has the fingertips of a God
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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