So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
