Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
